Today’s topic is essential to understand but often feels hard to talk about – self-harm.
Growing up can be tough. Sometimes, we face challenges that seem too overwhelming to handle. And if you’ve ever worried about yourself or a friend hurting themselves, you know it’s one of the scariest feelings in the world.
So, let’s demystify self-harm and share how you can help a friend or yourself by getting to know the basics.
#1 What is Self-Harm?
Okay, first things first – self-harm is often referred to as self-injury or self-mutilation, it’s when someone intentionally hurts themselves as a way to cope with emotional pain, stress, or overwhelming emotions.
It can start small, even as harmless as picking at your skin or biting your nails. We’ve all been there, right? Feels like a stress reliever sometimes.
However, self-harm can take on different forms. You’ve probably heard of cutting, but it’s not just that. There’s biting, burning, hair-pulling, scratching, and even self-punching. It’s tough to understand if you’ve never been there, but one of many ways some people cope with intense emotions and situations.
Example: Alessia (15), a student from San Mateo, had been dealing with relentless academic stress and the constant pressure to excel in extracurricular activities. These pressures often left her feeling overwhelmed and suffocated by a tangled web of emotions.
“One evening, I found myself alone in my room, bombarded by the relentless thoughts of inadequacy and failure. It felt like there was a storm inside me, and I was desperately searching for an escape” Alessia tells us.
That’s when she noticed a small safety pin on her desk. “I hesitated for a moment, then pressed it against my skin, feeling a brief, sharp pain” she recalls and describes how in that moment, the chaos inside her subsided, replaced by a strange sense of relief and control.
Let’s dive into why Alessia was drawn to repeat and even intensify that behavior.
#2 Why Self-Harm Provides Momentary Relief and a Sense of Control
Self-harm, as experienced by Alessia, often offers a brief respite from the overwhelming emotional turmoil.
Here’s why it can provide that momentary relief and a false sense of control:
Pain as Distraction: Picture this: You’re heartbroken after a tough breakup. The emotional pain feels suffocating, and you can’t escape it. So you grab an ice cube from the freezer and press it against your skin. The sudden, intense cold sting becomes your sole focus, briefly diverting your attention from the emotional agony, like a sharp jolt interrupting your thoughts.
Sense of Release: Think about a time when you felt so overwhelmed that it seemed like the walls were closing in on you. Self-harm can be like a pressure release valve, offering a temporary escape from those emotions. It’s like crying on the inside, but instead, you express it through actions.
Regaining Control: Imagine you’re a teenager who constantly feels overwhelmed by the chaos of life. School, family, and friends all seem like forces beyond your control. The momentary pain of self-harm may give you a strange sense of authority over your own body and emotions as if you’ve reclaimed control in a world that often feels uncontrollable, similar to gripping the steering wheel when the road gets too bumpy, if only for a fleeting moment.
#3 Is Self-Harm a Sign of a Mental Health Problem?
People self-harm for all sorts of reasons and it’s not always a sign of a mental health problem or a suicide warning. Many of us are familiar with biting our nails when we’re stressed. Others use self-harm to break through emotional numbness, just like how pinching ourselves can snap us out of a daydream. For others, it’s all about turning inner pain into physical pain or expressing guilt and shame.
These behaviors can be experienced on their own or as part of a mental health problem and acts of self-harm do not automatically mean people have a mental health disorder.
But when the emotions become too overwhelming, and you don’t know how to deal with them other than repeatedly hurting yourself, self-harm can turn into a serious mental health problem.
As a teenager, you are at higher risk because most of the 17% of teenagers who have tried self-harm at least once start when they’re between 12 and 14 years old. This is a time when being a teenager can be tough because you’re dealing with new underlying mental health challenges, and you might also start taking more risks.
#4 Recognizing the Signs
Now, let’s talk about spotting the signs in your friends and peers. Imagine you’re at school, and you notice changes in your close friend. She’s been wearing long sleeves despite the scorching heat, and you’ve glimpsed some unusual marks on her arms. You also notice that she avoids swimming at the pool, even though she used to love it. Recently, her mood seems to swing from extreme highs to deep lows, and her once-active social life has become much more withdrawn.
These are the signs to watch out for in your friends and peers. Look for unexplained wounds, scars at different healing stages, or concealed injuries. Sometimes, the marks are hidden in less obvious places, like their stomach or thighs. Keep an eye out for shifts in self-esteem, mood swings, and significant changes in their daily routines. Recognizing these signs is the first step in offering support and understanding to someone who might be struggling with self-harm.
#5 The Importance of Communication
Imagine you’re sitting with your friend and something seems off. He’s been distant and quiet lately, and you can’t help but worry. Instead of guessing or assuming, you gather your courage and ask him directly, “Hey, is everything okay?”
This simple act of communication can be a game-changer. It’s the only surefire way to discover if something’s bothering your friend and opens the door for trust and honest conversation.
No, you can’t read minds, but you can be a great friend by showing you care.
If your friend admits that he’s been hurting himself, it’s crucial to be there for him without judgment, just as you’d want him to be if the roles were reversed. Talking about it might feel intimidating, but it can also be incredibly liberating for both you and your friend, allowing you to navigate the challenges together and provide much-needed support.
#6 How to Help a Friend
So, what can you do if your friend is self-harming? Here are five ways to support them:
Offer Compassion and Empathy: Let your friends know you care about them and that you’re there to listen without judgment. Sometimes, all they need is a shoulder to lean on. Think about how you’d want your friend to react if you were in their shoes.
Help Find Support: Suggest seeking help from professionals, like therapists or counselors. There are also selfcare apps to kickstart the journey and peer support groups that can be incredibly helpful. You’d want your friend to have the best support as fast as possible, just like you’d want for yourself.
Encourage Open Conversations: Keep the lines of communication open. Ask how they’re feeling, but don’t pressure them to talk if they’re not ready. Be patient; healing takes time. Imagine if you were struggling – wouldn’t you want someone to be patient with you and make you feel heard too?
Stay Non-Judgmental: They’re going through a tough time. Avoid making them feel guilty or ashamed for self-harming. Let them know you’re there for the long haul. How would you want your friend to treat you if you were in their situation?
Support Their Recovery: Encourage them to seek treatment and stick with it. Offer to track their mood and emotions along with them by downloading the same app. Offer to go with them to appointments or just be a source of motivation when they need it most. Think about how your friend’s recovery is important, just like your own well-being matters to you.
Supporting a friend who’s self-harming is a big responsibility, but it can make a world of difference. With your help and professional support, your friend can learn healthier ways to cope and put an end to self-harm for good.
And if you recognize any of these tendencies in yourself, it’s okay to seek help too. Let’s be there for each other and create a safe space where we can talk about the tough stuff.
Now stop scrolling and go put your knowledge into action!