Entrepreneur, Senior Leader & Ecosystem Builder with a degrees in Music, Psychology, Digital Mgmt & Transformation. Co-founder of the Music Factory and Earkick. Life-long learner with a deep passion for people, mental health and outdoor sports.
Imagine you detect self harm scars on someone you care about; it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to respond.
You might wonder, “Oh no, how should I handle this? What can I do or say that won’t make things worse?” This reaction is understandable because even though we’ve made a lot of progress in talking openly about many mental health issues, self harm is still a difficult topic for many people.
It’s often misunderstood and unfairly seen as just a way to get attention, which isn’t true. People self harm for many reasons, and it’s important to approach the situation with care and understanding.
#1 Break the Stigma Around Self Harm Scars
Seeing self harm scars can be alarming, but it’s essential to understand that self harm isn’t about seeking attention or sympathy. According to the American Psychological Association, self harm, technically termed nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI), involves the intentional, direct destruction of body tissue without suicidal intent. This crucial distinction means that while self harm is serious, it doesn’t necessarily indicate a desire to end one’s life.
Self harm is a way some people cope with overwhelming emotions or a sense of numbness. It’s not a mental illness but a maladaptive coping mechanism often linked to conditions like depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, or PTSD. This is similar to how Winnie the Pooh characters disorders are used to represent various mental health challenges, highlighting how emotional traits manifest differently in individuals. Understanding this can help shift your perspective from judgment to empathy.
#2 Understanding Social and Physical Pain
Given that most people try to avoid pain, it can be hard to understand why some engage in self harming behavior. Psychologically, self harm can serve as a release valve, providing temporary relief from intense feelings such as sadness, anger, or anxiety. For some, it creates a sense of control in situations where they feel powerless.
Biologically, self harm can trigger the release of endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, which can create a temporary feeling of euphoria or calm. This can make self harm addictive, as the body begins to crave this chemical relief.
You may know this phenomenon from people who exercise intensely, like running. Their bodies release these chemicals, creating a sensation known as “runner’s high.” This makes them feel happy and relaxed. Similarly, self harm can cause a rush of endorphins, temporarily relieving emotional pain and stress. Both experiences show how the body uses endorphins to cope with different types of pain, whether physical or emotional. Understanding this connection helps explain why self harm can feel addictive and why people might turn to it for relief.
Additionally, people may self-harm as a form of self-punishment, believing they deserve to feel pain. If you’re looking for support or to talk through these feelings, a chat AI can be a helpful and non-judgmental outlet. Understanding these psychological and biological reasons can help us empathize with those who self harm and offer them the support they need.
#3 How to Support Someone with Self Harm Scars
If you’re wondering how to support someone with self harm scars, here are some practical steps:
1. Check Your Judgments at the Door
People who self harm fear being judged. Expressing non-judgmental support is crucial. Instead of saying, “You shouldn’t do that,” try, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This must be really hard. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” If you’re not sure what exactly to say, learn from the Earkick Panda, a personal AI chatbot for mental health.
By showing empathy and understanding, you make it easier for your loved one to open up. Creating a safe environment where someone can share their feelings without fear of judgment. If a friend finally feels comfortable revealing their self harm scars to you, listen empathetically and avoid jumping to conclusions. This acceptance can be the first step in their journey toward healing.
2. Be an Active Listener
It’s okay if you don’t know what to say. Simply keep listening. Reflect their feelings back to them to show you’re trying to understand. For instance, “It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed. Did I get that right?” This technique validates their emotions and shows you’re a safe space.
Sometimes, just being there and offering a listening ear is more valuable than any advice you could give. By doing this, you create a supportive environment where they feel heard and understood, which can be incredibly comforting.
3. Talk About Healthy Coping Mechanisms
People self harm to manage intense emotions. Help them find alternative coping mechanisms like watching a favorite show, going for a walk, or listening to music. Remind them of times they’ve managed without self harming and suggest doing those activities together.
You could say, “Remember how much better you felt after we went for that walk last week? Maybe we could do that again.” Encouraging these positive activities can help them develop healthier ways to cope with their feelings.
4. Offer Your Help
If you’re unsure how to help, ask them directly. This shows you care and want to support them in a way that works for them. Respect their boundaries and don’t push if they’re not ready to share specifics. You might say, “I want to be here for you. How can I support you right now?” Offer to be there when they’re feeling vulnerable or need company. Your willingness to help on their terms shows that you respect their needs and are committed to supporting them in the best way possible.
5. Understand the Dangerous Cycle
Self harm and self harm scars often create a vicious cycle. After self harming, individuals might feel ashamed, leading to more self harm to cope with that shame. This cycle can be tough to break without professional help. Continuous support and therapy can provide tools to interrupt this cycle and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
6. Recognize the Signs and Seek Emergency Help
While self harm or detecting someone’s self harm scars isn’t the same as suicidality, it can increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors. If you believe someone is in immediate danger, err on the side of caution. Contact emergency services or take them to the nearest emergency room for a proper assessment.
7. Help Them Find Professional Support
Supporting someone with self harm scars involves more than just being there for them emotionally. Encourage them to seek professional help. Offer to help them find a therapist, preferably one experienced in treating self harm through DBT or CBT.
Once they start accepting help or seeing a professional, continue to provide emotional support from the sidelines. Be their cheerleader, reminding them of their strength and resilience.
8. Encourage Self-Care and Positive Self-Image
Self-care practices can improve overall well-being and self-esteem. Encourage your friend to start a routine of mindfulness, yoga, or any activity that helps them feel more grounded and less inclined to self harm. Even better, offer to do it together! You might suggest, “I’ve heard that yoga can be really relaxing. How about we try a class together this weekend?” Engaging in stress-reducing activities not only helps them feel better but also strengthens your bond and shows your support.
9. Open Conversations Proactively
Open conversations about self harm can reduce the stigma and make it easier for individuals to seek help. Use platforms like community events, educational programs and social media (responsibly!) to raise awareness and foster a more supportive environment.
You could say, “I’ve been reading about how common self-harm is and how important it is to talk about it. Maybe we can find a support group or community event to attend together?” By starting these conversations, you help create a safer space for your friend and others to share their experiences and seek the help they need.
#4 Real-Life Quotes and Relatable Examples
Hearing from others who have been through similar experiences can be comforting. Here are some quotes from individuals who have struggled with self-harm:
“I used to feel like self harm was the only way to control my emotions,” says Judy (18), but with support, I’ve found healthier ways to cope. She now keeps an anxiety journal and talks to friends as soon as she feels her emotions starting to boil.
Rhonda (29) has made peace with her past and turned the tables on childhood trauma: “My self harm scars are a part of my story, but they don’t define me,” she affirms. Rhonda learned to see them as a reminder of her strength and the progress she has made. Her entire journey is stored safely in her self-care app where she can revisit it anytime she needs a boost.
When Maureen (41) discovered her teenage son’s self harm scars, she felt lost and heartbroken. “After the initial shock, I realized that by educating myself and offering him unconditional support, I could help him navigate his pain,” she shares. They both learned a lot about self harm now attend therapy sessions together, and Maureen has seen him grow stronger every day.
#5 Final Thoughts
Supporting someone you discover has self harm scars requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to learn. By leaving judgment behind, listening, discussing alternative coping strategies, and encouraging professional help, you can make a significant difference in their recovery. Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers—your presence and understanding are powerful tools in their healing journey.
Now stop scrolling and go create your own support plan!
