Some Serious Madness
Seems nowadays everyone is talking about mindfulness. Crazy. You can’t escape those zen-loving, granola-munching types that swear by it.
So here’s my rant about my experience with diving into the world of mindfulness and dealing with its outrageous side effects. Brace yourselves, because we’re about to debunk the myth that it’s all rainbows and unicorns. Prepare for a wild ride as we expose the unexpected outcomes and the highly contagious nature of practicing mindfulness.
How Mindfulness Puts Restless Nights to Shame
First up, we have the sleep dilemma. Imagine this: You crawl into bed, ready to ponder the mysteries of life, like why pineapples don’t belong on pizza. But, oh no, thanks to mindfulness, you find yourself slipping into dreamland faster than a viral meme spreading through social media. What a bummer!
Who needs immediate shut-eye when you could engage in desperate Netflix binges or late-night debates with your insomniac self? Gone is the joy of tossing and turning in bed because -thanks to mindfulness- you flake out as soon as you hit the pillow.
How It Deprives You of Morning Grogginess
Oh, and the quality of sleep? Prepare for disappointment. Mindfulness shamelessly gifts you with deep, restful slumber. Say goodbye to waking up groggy, unfocused, and yearning for more sleep. It’s an absolute abomination, really. I’d much rather hit that snooze button a million times, blame everyone else for our hangover and revel in the glory of laziness.
Why Focus When You Can Rule the Realm of Procrastination?
And let’s talk concentration, or as I like to call it, “the art of glorious distraction.” Mindfulness has the audacity to enhance your ability to focus on the task at hand. Seriously, who wants that when you could be deep-diving into TikTok videos or getting lost in a never-ending Twitter thread? Concentration? Nah, I’d rather embrace the chaotic beauty of multitasking and master procrastination while honing my notorious “busyness”.
Its Sneaky Tricks to Bust Forgetfulness
Hold on tight, because memory improvement is coming your way. Yes, you heard it right. Mindfulness has the nerve to sharpen your memory skills. But honestly, who needs to remember people’s names or your friends’ birthdays or the stuff for presentations? Forgetfulness is our unique charm and a good memory is totally overrated. Let’s keep everyone guessing and indulge in the pleasure of “Oops, I forgot.”
How Mindfulness Gives a Middle Finger to Mood Swings
Now, let’s dive into emotional balance, or as I like to call it, “the art of emotional mayhem.” Mindfulness dares to offer stability, making you all calm, rational, and dare we say it, a bit too well-balanced. Who needs that when you could be riding the rollercoaster of emotions, throwing tantrums, or drowning in a sea of tears? I’d take the wild, unpredictable ride any day over being all zen, cool and composed.
Mindfulness’s Dirty Little Secret to Smacking Misery in the Face
And the worst part of mindfulness? Brace yourselves: it’s the mood elevator. Yep, that’s right. It shamelessly improves your mood and makes you happy. Ugh, who wants that? I prefer my brooding, angsty self. Happiness? No thanks, I’d rather sulk in the shadows, cultivate my misery and bathe in my moody glory.
Sometimes, I wish I never stumbled upon mindfulness. Especially when yearning for sleepless nights, chaotic minds, forgetful moments, and emotional rollercoasters. But alas, life has a way of throwing unexpected curveballs our way. Guess I can’t have the cake and eat it, huh?
A Word of Caution
So, if you dare to tread the path of mindfulness, be prepared for a whirlwind of unexpected side effects that will make you question your current comfort zone. Will you embrace the outrageous benefits, or will you resist and cling to the chaos? The choice is yours, even in the face of scandalous, mindfulness-induced calmness.
Might as well try the app that got me and thousands of fellow mental health warriors into the clutches of mindfulness by making its use ridiculously easy: The Earkick selfcare companion app.
I warned you. Download at your own risk.
Now stop scrolling and go check it out!